Parents, it's going to be okay.
One of the most stressful moments of my parenting life was standing over my daughter Susannah’s shoulder as she stared at an unopened email from the admissions office of her first-choice college.
As a college counselor, I knew she’d end up at a school that made her happy, even if it wasn’t her first choice. But as a mom, all I could think about was the disappointment she’d feel if she didn’t get in.
“It’s going to be okay, no matter what happens,” I said.
She reached out, grabbed my hand and clicked.
With some thoughtful list-building work, your child will receive at least one acceptance letter to a school they’re excited to attend. But the waiting period and notification process can be hard on kids, and almost as hard on parents. Navigating that space is a sometimes overlooked part of the process. Here are some things to keep in mind:
Rejections are a thing. That’s all there is to it. And they feel bad, for you and for your kid. Even if it’s from a school your child isn’t particularly thrilled about, a rejection inevitably causes them to ask, “why didn’t they want me?” Here’s where it’s important to have some perspective. Colleges are building classes, student by student. You’ll never know the calculus for how an admissions team develops a class in a given year. As parents, it's important to remind our kids that lots of students are rejected from schools they are qualified to get into. While it doesn’t feel good to be rejected, it’s also not personal. Trust the fact that somewhere out there an admissions officer is thinking, “this is such a great candidate -- I wish we had more spots available.”
Waiting is the worst. That's why it’s a good idea to take a break from the college talk once applications are out. This is no time to second guess the process. No asking, “should he have applied Early Action?” or “why didn’t we encourage her to apply to more state schools?”
Let it go, as Elsa says. Let. It. Go. Focus instead on celebrating being done with the application process and enjoying your kid’s senior spring. He’ll be off to his amazing college before you know it.
You don’t have to share. We tell our students that the college process is private. Their friends, aunts, uncles, and grandparents don’t need to know where they apply to college or where they do or don’t gain admission. We urge parents to adopt the same philosophy. This is an exciting time for us too, and sometimes we want to brag, complain, or freak out entirely. But keeping the details of the college application process within your family can prevent unwanted advice, questions, and pressure for all of you.
Something good will happen. My daughter did get accepted -- to Wesleyan University -- and it’s been a wonderful experience for her. This past week, four of her college friends came to our house for a visit (vaxxed, boostered, and PCR tested!). Out of that group, only Susannah had made Wesleyan her first choice school. But guess what? None of them can imagine being anywhere else.
Trust us. It’s going to be okay. Virtual confetti will drop from a virtual email sky somewhere, congratulating your child on a job well done and inviting them to join a welcoming college community. Cheers to them! And cheers to you, too, parents. You deserve it.
We’re always here to talk you through the process, help with that well-balanced list, and remind you to enjoy exploring college and the many amazing opportunities out there. Give us a call (617.851.9975) or send an email to info@yourmayfirst.com and let’s talk about how we can help.
