Your friends are lovely. Please ignore them.
If you’re a junior, and especially if you’re a senior, it’s hard to get away from discussions about the college application process. This can be reassuring, right? You’re all in it together: you, your friends, your parents, your friends’ parents, your grandparents, your parents’ friends, friends of friends…
You get it. Everyone has something to say about the process, and each one of those very well-intentioned people has the potential to stress you out. But remember, this time is about you. It’s about exploring and applying to colleges that are the right fit for you and that make sense for your family. So guess what? You have permission to tune those voices out.
Here’s how to identify and manage your reactions to the voices that aren’t helping you to stay calm and focused:
The Deadline Announcer. You know this person. She is your friend. She’s smart and keeps a paper calendar and is always on top of things. So unsurprisingly, every time you see her in the cafeteria, she’s listing deadlines like a walking, talking Common App. “SAT registration is September 10...Early Decision is November 1st...Regular decision for Boston College is January 1st…” And it can send you into a tailspin of worry if you’re not careful.
How to deal: Set reminders on your calendar for important due dates, but keep in mind that there are really only a few important ones: early decision, early action, and regular decision. If you’re planning on taking the SAT, the College Board has all the information you need about when to take it and where. So when the Deadline Announcer gets going, just let her go. It’s making her feel better. The dates don’t change, and you already know what they are.
The Snooper. The Snooper has two motivations: to find out where everyone is applying to college and to announce the top schools that he is applying to. “I’m applying early decision to Brown, but if I don’t get in, I’m applying to Bowdoin and Middlebury. William and Mary is my safety school. Where are you applying?”
How to deal: remember, students can apply anywhere they choose, and even the best high school students in the country will get rejected from some schools. The Snooper might get rejected from William and Mary and get into Brown. But here’s the other thing: he may not be applying to any of these schools. He might just be feeling pressure from his parents, or he may not have done much research on great schools that aren’t those brand names we’ve all heard of. Give him a “that’s great for you” followed by, “I’m still deciding.” Because even if he’s your best friend, you don’t have to tell him or anyone where you apply to college. Part of becoming an adult is learning what you should share and what’s just for you. The college decision? That’s all yours.
The Personal Essay Expert: This friend is trying to help. Truly. They’ve worked with a tutor or obsessively Googled successful college essays (don’t do this!). “It shouldn’t be about your dog, your sports career, or your grandmother… It can’t mention Covid...It can’t be about personal trauma....It has to be about personal hardship...It has to have a metaphor...It cannot have any grammar mistakes…”
How to deal: This is a hard one. Everyone has something to say about the personal essay, including parents, coaches, and other people who know you well and want you to get into the college of your dreams. But keep this in mind: the personal essay is called “personal” for a reason. It’s supposed to reveal who you are to admissions readers. You, the person with a good sense of humor. You, who drove your little brother to school every day this year. You, who raises chickens in your yard. You, who taught yourself to knit. You, who will be an amazing member of the college community.
Your personal essay is personal to you. Keep it that way.
The Enthusiastic Alumni: this might be a cousin, parent, or family friend. This person loved their college so much they cannot even conceive of why you’d want to go anywhere else. “Northeastern was the best four years of my life. You really should apply. No place can give you that kind of career prep, and in the middle of Boston! You can’t beat it!”
How to deal: Nod. Smile. Say, “I haven’t checked it out (even if you have) but I will.” The best thing you can do is appreciate that kind of enthusiasm and try to find a school that makes you feel that same way.
The Freelance College Counselor: This final one is difficult because everyone wants to help you find a college once they find out you’re in the search process. And these people can sometimes be helpful early on when you’re exploring potential schools. But once you’ve narrowed your list down, these are the voices that can make you second guess yourself, leaving you to wonder if there’s some stone you forgot to turn over, some perfect school you haven’t explored.
How to deal: Take a deep breath and have some confidence in yourself. If you began the process of exploring colleges during junior year, have been working with your guidance counselor or professional counselor, and have narrowed down your list according to region, size, culture, and likelihood to be accepted, your list is just right. For each of the 4,000 colleges in the U.S, there is someone who knows someone who had a good experience there. You cannot climb down every rabbit hole. By the time you reach September of senior year, you need the confidence to say, “I’ve done the research and I have the right list.”
At May First, we’re not just here to help you build your list and write your personal essay. We’re here to give you the confidence to say, “I’ve got this!” Send an email to info@yourmayfirst.com or call (617.851.9975) and let’s get started.